Haix

they say patience is a virtue i totally agreed to this. but i dun think it is worth waiting. i dunno. my heart is perfectly shattered inside. so bloody pain. there are so many things now. theres only how much one can take. once it is over the limit i dunno what will happen to me. i have tried crying out loud. but it is no use crying. my tears had already dried up. i am so pained. why does everthing have to be this way? why cant it be pure and simple? i wish my life was so much easier. enough of ppl hating me. onli few know the real me. i am not what i seem. i am feelin hurt all inside. maybe it is nothing to worry abt but i can no longer take it. i wanna give up life. all of my life. i dun wanna live. i noe this seemed pessimistic.but sometimes things have to end this way. i want to leave once and for all. i dun want to work at this godforsaken place. i dunno what i have done to get this. but i am sure it would not been easier one for me... but i am really touched by my friends. how they seem to understand me and try to cheer me up. but it is not really their problem. i dun want any of them to get involved. i am sad let me be this way. i dun want to feel happy. once i am happy i might get sad all over again. and this is hurting me really bad. i cant take it anymore.i dun want to take it. i hate it. can someone please give me a break. anyone pls give me a break.
should i give up? i think i should course i dun think i really like him that much. not as much as jerome. i still miss jerome. sometimes. i dunno i feel that i am in no position to love anyone right now. i have no right to. my parents dun really love me that much. i dun think i evem deserve to be in this world. haha. i am sooooo pessimistic. i'd say the cup is half full though. i am always hoping for the better to come. but is there really better future?i am unforunately very sad. i dun feel like doin anything at all... shit... my tears are wellin up again. i dun want to go to work with swollen eyes. no one believes me. this is so sad. hmmmm.. i like lazing ard but i dun think i am able to for today. haha... i am sad. so sad lahx.. haha... i duno what to do... haix...