Yippeeee!

I can not deny that i am really happy to see him today.. haha... you noe? but i do not really feel like seeing him too.. no reason why, just do not feel like seeing him lahx... i guess it is just my heck care attitude... i think even if i see him today nothing will happen today de lahx.. haha... i miss yvonne.. hehe... really.. cant believe that she is leaving lot one suki... i personally think that she should stay lahx.. coz i think the four of them work pretty well together... and that is veri difficult to achieve lahx.. dunno why the upper management so attitude de lahx.. haix... they only see the cons of the things never really the pros lahx.. then the things they really want they never look at the cons lahx.. i mean what kind of management is that? i noe the answer. it is the worse management lahx.. no wonder the suki group can only go so far... they never really view things on a third party view lahx.. damn irritating lahx.. hehe...

hmmm.... when will i get well? haix... die.. haha

am i in heaven

i like him and i definitely miss him a lot... i noe if this relationship were to start i have to be patience.. hehe... haha.. i really dunno about the future. just hope that he wont give up on me.. hehe.. like him like what like that... haha.. shit man.. like him... i cant stop saying that..

i miss martin!!!

By simply ignoring me can do such a big damage to my heart... i still dunno how he feels. i really dun noe.. i wish i knew. my instincts are telling me to
wait and not be afraid.. he has his own reasons to do this. haha... i think i noe his personality. the problem lies at whether he has close his heart to me.
i certainl hope not... cox for him if he close his heart i might as well give up... but it is still early to say.. i like him a lot. i have no strength to
continue working lorx... if he gives up on me i dun think i will continue working anymore. so great!!! haha.. yah rite.. i have to find a job again.. what a
great way to start my holidays. maybe i will go back to kim ann.. but i supposed they already found someone to work as their helper liaox... hmmm. i miss
him.. i have no idea why i am thinkin of him so much.. haha.. maybe before i din really pay attention to the times when i miss him.. wahaha... stupid nia..
now is like i cant even go to sleep without thinking about him... haix. i really miss him... haha........ except for the backstabbing ppl i like the
workplace.. i am so darn disgusted... haahaa. i hate to admit it i think i love him... haha... i hate disappointment. cos the greater effort i put inside
this relationship the more disappointed i will be... haha... hmmm.. i hate to admit that i like someone.i also hate it when ppl get the wrong impression on
me... that is really distressing to me.. i am what i am let me prove to you what i really am but not let others tell you who i am.. haha.... i dunno lahx.. i
just hope that he does not listen to anyone stupid backstabbing words from me... i believe that i must have faith in him and trust him.. this totally
sucks... haix.. i noe i hate waiting.. but it is the beat choice next to nothing.. i really hope i can go out with yvonne on tues... not that i really want
to see him... i totally dun want to see him... because that would make him think that i am stalking him.. and that is not a good thing if that creep him
out... haha... lol.. i have no idea lahx... i mean i totally have no idea what he is thinking abt... i have thought about all the worse case scenario that
can happen and it is definitely freaking me out as in the end it all ends up with me leaving suki.. i dun like the way it will end... i hope it is definitely
have a good ending.. i really wish and hope..

i miss martin!!!

By simply ignoring me can do such a big damage to my heart... i still dunno how he feels. i really dun noe.. i wish i knew. my instincts are telling me to
wait and not be afraid.. he has his own reasons to do this. haha... i think i noe his personality. the problem lies at whether he has close his heart to me.
i certainl hope not... cox for him if he close his heart i might as well give up... but it is still early to say.. i like him a lot. i have no strength to
continue working lorx... if he gives up on me i dun think i will continue working anymore. so great!!! haha.. yah rite.. i have to find a job again.. what a
great way to start my holidays. maybe i will go back to kim ann.. but i supposed they already found someone to work as their helper liaox... hmmm. i miss
him.. i have no idea why i am thinkin of him so much.. haha.. maybe before i din really pay attention to the times when i miss him.. wahaha... stupid nia..
now is like i cant even go to sleep without thinking about him... haix. i really miss him... haha........ except for the backstabbing ppl i like the
workplace.. i am so darn disgusted... haahaa. i hate to admit it i think i love him... haha... i hate disappointment. cos the greater effort i put inside
this relationship the more disappointed i will be... haha... hmmm.. i hate to admit that i like someone.i also hate it when ppl get the wrong impression on
me... that is really distressing to me.. i am what i am let me prove to you what i really am but not let others tell you who i am.. haha.... i dunno lahx.. i
just hope that he does not listen to anyone stupid backstabbing words from me... i believe that i must have faith in him and trust him.. this totally
sucks... haix.. i noe i hate waiting.. but it is the beat choice next to nothing.. i really hope i can go out with yvonne on tues... not that i really want
to see him... i totally dun want to see him... because that would make him think that i am stalking him.. and that is not a good thing if that creep him
out... haha... lol.. i have no idea lahx... i mean i totally have no idea what he is thinking abt... i have thought about all the worse case scenario that
can happen and it is definitely freaking me out as in the end it all ends up with me leaving suki.. i dun like the way it will end... i hope it is definitely
have a good ending.. i really wish and hope..

i am so stupid

what they say is correct... i noe... it took so long for me to register this... how stupid can i be? it doesn't take an idio to understand that love doesn't wait... shit... i dun wanna noe anything... acting happy outside is not healthy like i dun already noe... ppl keep thinkin i am the sweet gal but i am not... i love freedom i always do but to give it all up just for him is worth it... i wont hesitate... i swear. but if he had already given up i really have no idea what i should do?! hmmmm... maybe i could chased him back.. shit... haha.. but you must see if his heart is closed anot... i am so darn selfish lahx.. keep thinkin abt my own feelings... it is not nice of me.. i sucks... enuff of self deflating.. he is drinvin me nuts... he is cute.. i like him a lot.. too much to lose him and find a better one... i noe i can but i dun want to... shit... shit... shit... i am in super duper shit lahx.. haha.. dun really want this to end this early.. haix.. i dun want him to give up on me without actually giving me a chance... haix.. that will be darn sad... i think i will quit the bloody darn job... haha... shit...me messin up everything... i am so goin to turn to lesbian lahx.. haha... too desperate... haahaa... now i am not really sad. but scared at a lost of what to do.. it is not abt letting corina gettin what she wants it is abt me getting what i really want.. even if he really gives me up and choose corina i will give him my best wishes.. although i will quit lahx... haha.. stupid ritex? it is just that i cant stand to be there anymore... haaha... sad... i dunno the future... haha..ergh... it is driving me nuts... i dun want to guess.. cos it is bloody wrong to guess... haha... hope he reads my sms and at least do something abt that...

I love him

i cant bear to lose him. i cannot take it. i noe this will affect my exams.. but i dun care... shit... shit.... i love him... when can it stop?! i noe this is all my fault but pls? shit lahx... i am so dead...

i am goin to behave and must behave if i want him. it isn't too late... it is not too late... i love him.. that is undeniable... i am goin to behave... shit. shit. shit...i am not goin to be stubborn... pls? no one will ever hear me... but shit

ergh!!!

what the heck am i doin man?haix.. i kind of regret not talkin to him today... i hate myself for doin that... wth... having coldwar nia... wahahaa.... this all sucks.... haix... i miss him... hahah.... i dunno if this is too early to say... i am feeling more and more dangerous with jui peng. although i treasure this friendship... but i think it is a bit too much... haix.... haha... sometyms you just have to give sumthing up... haix... can he dun hang up my calls? it is damn annoying and heart-breaking at the same time... now my heat aches a bit but i noe i still got a test so i can cry after that... haha... not really in a good mood... maybe will try to call him later in the night bahx.. i think it is time to change my childish ways and grow up... be friendly to him... hmm... come to think of it i seldom talk to him at work... shld tok to him more... haha.... i miss him alr... haha... not goin to see him for the next dunno how many days.. i think i want to go holland v eat katong laksa... haahaaa.... maybe will ask him along if not weiting... i dun even noe he is free anot... haix.. what the heck... i wanna die sia.... i am so sorry.. haha.. hope he gets his joy hanging up my calls.... haix... wahaha... siao da bo... i am so goin to be patient and not let anyone stand between us... haha... i noe it sounds stupid.. but i do not want to lose him.. i have lost one not one more... it sucks to noe later that the person like you later in life and that you like him... but he is now attached... if i had taken jennifer words, i think we would be togethere le... too bad... no fate.. haha... hope martin and i will have both fate and destiny..... haahaa... i wanna cry... and i dun dare call him now... haix... hope corina will not disturb... i dun like this... haix... i dun want to have any pro but i dun think there will be any chance that there wont be any haix.. like now.. all because of my own doings... hahaa..... stupid me ... miss him nia.. the fear of losing him is like so irritating... haha....

Haix

they say patience is a virtue i totally agreed to this. but i dun think it is worth waiting. i dunno. my heart is perfectly shattered inside. so bloody pain. there are so many things now. theres only how much one can take. once it is over the limit i dunno what will happen to me. i have tried crying out loud. but it is no use crying. my tears had already dried up. i am so pained. why does everthing have to be this way? why cant it be pure and simple? i wish my life was so much easier. enough of ppl hating me. onli few know the real me. i am not what i seem. i am feelin hurt all inside. maybe it is nothing to worry abt but i can no longer take it. i wanna give up life. all of my life. i dun wanna live. i noe this seemed pessimistic.but sometimes things have to end this way. i want to leave once and for all. i dun want to work at this godforsaken place. i dunno what i have done to get this. but i am sure it would not been easier one for me... but i am really touched by my friends. how they seem to understand me and try to cheer me up. but it is not really their problem. i dun want any of them to get involved. i am sad let me be this way. i dun want to feel happy. once i am happy i might get sad all over again. and this is hurting me really bad. i cant take it anymore.i dun want to take it. i hate it. can someone please give me a break. anyone pls give me a break.
should i give up? i think i should course i dun think i really like him that much. not as much as jerome. i still miss jerome. sometimes. i dunno i feel that i am in no position to love anyone right now. i have no right to. my parents dun really love me that much. i dun think i evem deserve to be in this world. haha. i am sooooo pessimistic. i'd say the cup is half full though. i am always hoping for the better to come. but is there really better future?i am unforunately very sad. i dun feel like doin anything at all... shit... my tears are wellin up again. i dun want to go to work with swollen eyes. no one believes me. this is so sad. hmmmm.. i like lazing ard but i dun think i am able to for today. haha... i am sad. so sad lahx.. haha... i duno what to do... haix...

Shit lahx

am i allowed to swear here? haix.. i am in such a bloody mess now... so am i still infatuated with him or change liao? haix... bloody... so bloody.. haha... hmmm.. can anyone give me an answer?

i have decided to grow up so can i try to handle this more smoothly? hmmm... do i even like him or just int in him just as a friend? huh? i dunno i am soo not sure... haix... din thot of him as a nice person but he turns out to be fun too.. although sometimes a bit lame?

haix... hmmmmm... i dunno.. patience is the best solution to y problem now... haha... i dun want catalyst... my catalyst has always make me more hurt... haix.. haha

OOOHHHHHHHH

haha... i wished i have not hesitated anything at all. i should have tried thinking more rationally than anything. it is really important that i wake up and face reality. i noe that the world is not perfect and it is definitely cruel. so it is time to throw away my fantasy land and face the cruel reality. it will not end like a fantasy if i am still living in my dreams. haha. i should have done that long ago, thinkin of the having comfort is not enough but accepting the discomfort is what makes you strong. it does not mean accepting the discomfort means living with it it means having to adapt to the discomforts and making it a comfort.

sometimes you just have to trust the instincts. my instincts are 80% correct. with a little thinking i might be able to face the reality.

may i wake up and choose the road in front of me carefully. i really need that.